Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
