How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
