So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
as a side note pls kill me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
