Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
