Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize