Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
