This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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