I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
