he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
