I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
