she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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