Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
