Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
