do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
