Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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