I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I look better un-naked...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
