I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
