So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
