airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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