I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize