I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
