Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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