Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
