would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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