Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
