Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
