Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
