I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize