Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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