Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
