Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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