Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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