you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you win again, gameday.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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