Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize