I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
