but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Terrible idea I love it
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
