I'd wear matching sweaters with you
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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