So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
