so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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