just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
