i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
