Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
