paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it was like eating out sand paper
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
