Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
