just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
