I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am mentally ready for anal.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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