you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
His nipple licking is glorious
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