sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
