We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
