bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
