You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wear drunk well.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
