i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
