Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize