I seem to have left my pride at pride
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
