I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
