I'm so fucking centered right now
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
