he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
