I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
