he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
