Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
