Please, let me fuck your mom
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
