Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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