If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
