It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
