i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize