I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
