I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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