Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
