i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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