Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
