So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
