can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
