he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
