You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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